Bed Bugs
In case you’ve missed the recent headlines, bed bugs are making a comeback in the United States. And you thought the good old days were a thing of the past. Thanks to the increasing speed & ease of international travel and the banning of good ol’ DDT, these little blood suckers are finding their way back after a 50+ year absence. It makes you wonder which is more important, saving the environment or a good night’s sleep. It could go either way for me.
Personally, this freaks me out. I’ve lived with mice, piss smelling carpet, and other freakish things. I didn’t enjoy it, but I manage well enough if you don’t mind the whining (sort of kidding). Bugs or anything besides my wife, do not belong in my bed.
My wife is wealth of odd information. When I mentioned the bed bug article to her she said, “Do you remember that cast iron bed we use to have?”
“Yeah.”
“In the old days, they used to put a dish full of turpentine or kerosene under each post of the bed. That way the bugs couldn’t clime up from the floor and into your bed. It helped if you made your bed up tight too.”
“Tight as in military tight?”
“Yeah.”
“Where did you hear about that?”
“Oh, my grandmother told me once. When I was little, I was terrified of bed bugs.”
“You know the weirdest crap.”
“I’m supposed to. Journalists are supposed to be experts in everything for day.”
Maybe I could start a cotage industry for those hardcore home renovators, mail order bed bugs. You know, provide some grit to really make living in a historic home "authentic." We could give away free chamber pots with every order. I can see it now, Devil Queen House Goods: making the good old days as uncomfortable as you never remembered. Order now!
Personally, this freaks me out. I’ve lived with mice, piss smelling carpet, and other freakish things. I didn’t enjoy it, but I manage well enough if you don’t mind the whining (sort of kidding). Bugs or anything besides my wife, do not belong in my bed.
My wife is wealth of odd information. When I mentioned the bed bug article to her she said, “Do you remember that cast iron bed we use to have?”
“Yeah.”
“In the old days, they used to put a dish full of turpentine or kerosene under each post of the bed. That way the bugs couldn’t clime up from the floor and into your bed. It helped if you made your bed up tight too.”
“Tight as in military tight?”
“Yeah.”
“Where did you hear about that?”
“Oh, my grandmother told me once. When I was little, I was terrified of bed bugs.”
“You know the weirdest crap.”
“I’m supposed to. Journalists are supposed to be experts in everything for day.”
Maybe I could start a cotage industry for those hardcore home renovators, mail order bed bugs. You know, provide some grit to really make living in a historic home "authentic." We could give away free chamber pots with every order. I can see it now, Devil Queen House Goods: making the good old days as uncomfortable as you never remembered. Order now!
posted by John | 2:26 PM
3 Comments:
I vote for saving the environment!
Gross. Reminds me of Angela's Ashes (my favorite book) when they have fleas in the bed.
They had them when I was in Malaysia, fortunately, where I stayed, they didn't have any. Nasty little buggers. You need Gary's old home remedy book, where they use gasoline to disinfect the mattress.
Post a Comment
<< Home