The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Mutant Fig Trees

Even the local TV weathermen are starting to get a little shifty eyed about the weird ass weather we've been having. You'd think they just been caught farting at a funeral with the nervous grins, wild eyes, and hyena chuckling. This week they basically confessed that we hadn't actually had a real winter this year, and the hell with the ground hog because if we hadn't had one yet it wasn't going to happen.

If you were going to pant a fig tree in Arkansas a hundred or even fifty years ago, you'd plant it next to your house on the south face. The figs do fine in an Arkansas summer as long as you water them every day. The winters were the problem. You planted them close to the house on the south side to shelter them from the north wind a give them all the warmth the winter sun could provide. They usually died back some over the winter but survived. Even though they are technically trees, they usually didn't get any larger than a robust bush in Arkansas.

If you go to some old homes around Arkansas now, you'll notice that some moron has plant a freaking enormous tree right next to their home. The branches are rubbing on the siding and clawing a the eves. You know the roots are working their way through the foundation, and the trunk looks like it is growing out of the freaking crawlspace. What were they thinking when they planted these monsters?

Over the last 10 years or so, the fig trees have stopped dying back so much over the winter. When spring comes, they pick up right where they left off the year before, and they are getting huge. These 50+ year old fig trees are growing bigger than they were ever supposed to.

Also, according to my wife's grandparents, there were no armadillos in our part of Arkansas when they were kids. Where are all these little road kills coming from and why are they here?

But, don't worry, there is no such thing as global climate change. Happy Groundhogs Day.


Blogger Patricia W said...

I think they are coming to you from Texas. I lived there the past 20 years and just returned to Michigan in September. They are everywhere down there!

My mom and aunt still in Texas and it has been so horribly dry the armadillos have probably stowed away in northbound cars hoping to make it to water and cooler temps :)

8:23 AM  
Blogger C&C said...

I lived in Hogeye, right outside of Fayetteville when I was a kid and I always remember seeing armadillos and roadrunners on our land.

Last year was a super hot summer and just about everyday this winter has at least been in the 60's. We haven't had a decent snow in five years.

I hear ya about the trees right next to the house. I have several large trees that are closer to the house than I would like. Even after the home inspector tells us that we should probably cut them down due to possible foundation damage, I'm sure there will be some tree hugger that will get all upset. Especially when we cut down the tree out front that now looks like a giant topiary because it only has one branch left alive.


9:15 AM  
Blogger derek said...

Our winter was over by the end of November this year. I here Europe is getting hit this year. We've had the wettest winter since 1937, 9 inches of rain in a month, and 29 rainy days in a row. Almost every city in Canada has been 5-10c abouve normal average in January. It's hard to say how much of a factor global warming is, I guess only time will tell.

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