Five Grand WILL Buy You Love
The Black Beast of the Christmas is nearly upon us. So far I've received two Christmas cards. Who are they from? Not my sister, not my in-laws, and not from one of my distant cousins.
I've gotten a card from Lowe's and one from Greenfield Millworks.
Lowe's and I have a very close, personal relationship. We spend a lot of good, quality time together: searching for cpvc fittings, kitchen ranges, and 15 amp breakers; returning "excrement" smeared pcv fittings and other emotionally trying activities. We're almost like a very drunk and disillusioned married couple. No matter how bad it gets, we keep coming back together for more. If Lowe's hadn't sent me a Christmas card, that would have been deeply insulting, but, in the end, I'm sure I would have gone back to her. I always do.
Greenfield and I have a different relationship. It was very nice of Greenfield to think of me during the holiday season. We only had a one night stand, and, while I felt used and violated at first, I think we both got what we wanted out of it.
I got two Christmas cards and it only cost $5,000.00 a piece. Who says you can't buy love? They obviously didn't spend enough.
I've gotten a card from Lowe's and one from Greenfield Millworks.
Lowe's and I have a very close, personal relationship. We spend a lot of good, quality time together: searching for cpvc fittings, kitchen ranges, and 15 amp breakers; returning "excrement" smeared pcv fittings and other emotionally trying activities. We're almost like a very drunk and disillusioned married couple. No matter how bad it gets, we keep coming back together for more. If Lowe's hadn't sent me a Christmas card, that would have been deeply insulting, but, in the end, I'm sure I would have gone back to her. I always do.
Greenfield and I have a different relationship. It was very nice of Greenfield to think of me during the holiday season. We only had a one night stand, and, while I felt used and violated at first, I think we both got what we wanted out of it.
I got two Christmas cards and it only cost $5,000.00 a piece. Who says you can't buy love? They obviously didn't spend enough.
posted by John | 12:12 PM
2 Comments:
John and Lowes = George and Martha??
I have four Christmas cards so far, none from home improvement centers, though. One from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, one from the CEO of the company I work for, one from the chairwoman of the company I work for. And ONE from an actual FRIEND!
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