The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Five Grand WILL Buy You Love

The Black Beast of the Christmas is nearly upon us. So far I've received two Christmas cards. Who are they from? Not my sister, not my in-laws, and not from one of my distant cousins.

I've gotten a card from Lowe's and one from Greenfield Millworks.

Lowe's and I have a very close, personal relationship. We spend a lot of good, quality time together: searching for cpvc fittings, kitchen ranges, and 15 amp breakers; returning "excrement" smeared pcv fittings and other emotionally trying activities. We're almost like a very drunk and disillusioned married couple. No matter how bad it gets, we keep coming back together for more. If Lowe's hadn't sent me a Christmas card, that would have been deeply insulting, but, in the end, I'm sure I would have gone back to her. I always do.

Greenfield and I have a different relationship. It was very nice of Greenfield to think of me during the holiday season. We only had a one night stand, and, while I felt used and violated at first, I think we both got what we wanted out of it.

I got two Christmas cards and it only cost $5,000.00 a piece. Who says you can't buy love? They obviously didn't spend enough.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

John and Lowes = George and Martha??

2:23 PM  
Blogger Tony Maro said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Tony Maro said...

Bwahahahaha!

I find this funny because I'm in a similar Christmas card state myself:

Did your Lowe's card look just like mine?

12:27 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I have four Christmas cards so far, none from home improvement centers, though. One from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, one from the CEO of the company I work for, one from the chairwoman of the company I work for. And ONE from an actual FRIEND!

2:27 PM  

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