Cult of the Devil Queen
I need a new job. I'd prefer one closer to home, the 2 1/2 hour commute is killing me. I think that it's time for me to implement Plan B.
Back in those halcyon college days, a couple friends and I decided we needed a Plan B if adult life didn't work out for us. We decided that our Plan B would be starting a religious cult. We agreed that our religion would have to absolve followers of sins, offer an apocalyptic ending for the world, paradise after death, and the usual fare without all the annoying thou-shall-nots (Like the prohibition of alcohol and bestiality; murder would still be bad of course).
Most importantly, we'd offer a refuge for the hopelessly insane and socially handicapped that drift on the outer margins of society. And, as long as we provided all the necessary answers for a meaningful existence, hopefully the faithful would tithe enough to the cult that we'd never have to work. This would leave us with enough time to: sleep-in, read, watch bad, late night television, play video games, and drink.
Would you believe people say I have cynical outlook on the world? Just let my sad example be a warning to all you mothers out there. When your sons reach that awkward age of about 14, don't let them spend hours locked in their bedroom alone reading Machiavelli. It could lead to blindness and a jaded, anti-social weltanschauung! Instead, give them porn.
While it's unfashionable to admit it, I must confess that I harbor a secret urge to spread the Devil Queen and her dominion over the whole earth. This is only fitting since I'm the cult's head-priest. The blog is only the first step in my insidious and far reaching conspiracy. The Freemasons don't have anything on my Dark Mistress and I.
For those of you who object to my unctuous, amoral ways but still want a way out, I would recommend that you do what my friend Daryl did, marry a Canadian. For those of you who were blessed to be born Canadian, this plan won't work for you. As a foreign national who has married a Canadian, you won't be able to legally work in Canada for several months (a year or more?) and your new spouse will have to agree to support you financially for two years even in the event of divorce.
So, at this very moment, my friend is forcibly unemployed, supported by his new wife, and spending his days sleeping-in, playing video games, reading, watching bad, late night television, and drinking. God bless Canada.
Every cult has its own regalia. As high-priest, I get to where the Horned Crown. Very awe inspiring, I know.
Back in those halcyon college days, a couple friends and I decided we needed a Plan B if adult life didn't work out for us. We decided that our Plan B would be starting a religious cult. We agreed that our religion would have to absolve followers of sins, offer an apocalyptic ending for the world, paradise after death, and the usual fare without all the annoying thou-shall-nots (Like the prohibition of alcohol and bestiality; murder would still be bad of course).
Most importantly, we'd offer a refuge for the hopelessly insane and socially handicapped that drift on the outer margins of society. And, as long as we provided all the necessary answers for a meaningful existence, hopefully the faithful would tithe enough to the cult that we'd never have to work. This would leave us with enough time to: sleep-in, read, watch bad, late night television, play video games, and drink.
Would you believe people say I have cynical outlook on the world? Just let my sad example be a warning to all you mothers out there. When your sons reach that awkward age of about 14, don't let them spend hours locked in their bedroom alone reading Machiavelli. It could lead to blindness and a jaded, anti-social weltanschauung! Instead, give them porn.
While it's unfashionable to admit it, I must confess that I harbor a secret urge to spread the Devil Queen and her dominion over the whole earth. This is only fitting since I'm the cult's head-priest. The blog is only the first step in my insidious and far reaching conspiracy. The Freemasons don't have anything on my Dark Mistress and I.
For those of you who object to my unctuous, amoral ways but still want a way out, I would recommend that you do what my friend Daryl did, marry a Canadian. For those of you who were blessed to be born Canadian, this plan won't work for you. As a foreign national who has married a Canadian, you won't be able to legally work in Canada for several months (a year or more?) and your new spouse will have to agree to support you financially for two years even in the event of divorce.
So, at this very moment, my friend is forcibly unemployed, supported by his new wife, and spending his days sleeping-in, playing video games, reading, watching bad, late night television, and drinking. God bless Canada.
Every cult has its own regalia. As high-priest, I get to where the Horned Crown. Very awe inspiring, I know.
posted by John | 4:27 AM
2 Comments:
I figured that if I were to start a church, I would call it the "Christian Alliance for Salvation and Happiness". Just make your checks out to CASH please....
If the "Devil Queen" becomes a "church," doesn't that mean that all improvements now become "tax-deductible?" I think the govmnt is going to owe you a BIG refund this year....
Hmmm...
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