The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Monday, October 31, 2005

An Open Letter to the Devil Queen

Dear Devil Queen,

The weather is turning cold, the sky is gray, and our third anniversary is here. While I was overjoyed when I took you on as my mistress, my passion and pleasure for you is fading.

Had I realized that I was entering into a demonic pack for you, I would have driven a harder bargain. Call me egotistical, but I think my everlasting soul is worth more than you alone. I should have gotten more. A fat wad of cash, a wine cellar, my enemies lit on fire for my gratification, and all the pleasures this corrupt, fleshy world offers. But, instead I have only you.

Despite popular belief, I am not into S&M. Splinters, cuts, bruises, and burns do not turn me on. Smashing digits, falling off ladders, and being chased by stinging insects are not gratifying experiences.

You promised you would be discreet when we started this relationship together. You lied. My wife knows about you as do my in-laws and my family. Articles have even appeared in the local paper. People at work know about you. Whatever reputation I had is ruined.

I am not a cruel man. I've tried to be delicate, but you have not responded. Perhaps I have been too subtle? In any case, I must be blunt. This relationship between us can not continue. I mistook you for a mistress, but you are pagan goddess terrible and beautiful. I do not want to be your Adonis. You need a man that will be your supplicant, someone who will give you their full attention and adoration. I have a wife, a son, and a whole life that you never see, yet you demand more of me than all combined.

I can not take it much longer. You have corrupted my morals, spent my meager fortune, and ruined my youth. Though a man, I was baby-faced and full of life when I met you. Now, I am aged before my years. I have been decimated by your insatiable lust and black heart. All the while, I have watched you grow plump and full bodied. Time runs backwards for you. Am I the fruit that once devoured will give you eternal youth?

Have you no pity? If you do, please free me and find another. If you can not or will not, we must come to a new agreement. You must take less and I must receive more.

Do not ignore me, no good will come of it. I eagerly await your response.




Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's a suggestion


Sometimes I think we all need that suggestion when renovating.


11:54 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Hee hee, funny post. Happy anniversary. :)

12:29 PM  
Blogger John said...

Thanks Tony.

I guess the question is whether insanity is an asset or liablility for a DIY project. I'm still not sure.

1:40 PM  
Anonymous kingstreetfarm said...

Auuuugh, I can feel the desperation leaching out in every word of your post.

Yes, it's funny, but it's also *not*. I get it. :S You guys are in our thoughts more often than you know--if it helps any, strangers in New York are pulling for you.

5:47 PM  
Blogger John said...


Your kind thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I checked out your blog and your house is looking great. Cut yourself some slack on the flower beds. It typically takes three years to get everything established.

6:11 AM  
Anonymous Brenda said...

Beg all you want...nothing will placate her bloodlust but offerings of burnt cash wads.

10:20 PM  

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