The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I Never Wanted to be a Low-Level Bureaucrat . . .

I never wanted to be a low-level Bureaucrat, I always wanted to be [me, stripping off the gray suit to reveal my manly red-plaid] a LUMBERJACK!

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day.

Chorus: He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea

Mounties: He cut down trees, he eat his lunch He go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he go shopping and has buttered scones for tea.

Chorus: He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I skip and jump I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars?!

Chorus: He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I wear high heels Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear papa!

Mounties: He cuts down trees, he wears high heels?! Suspenders...and a bra?!
...He's a lumberjack and he's OK He sleeps all night and he works all day.

...He's/I'm a lumberjack and he's/I'm OK
He/I sleep all night and he/I work all day.

Sorry (not really) for the gratuitous Lumberjack Song, but, damnit, sometimes you just need the Lumberjack Song. The Philosopher Song is pretty good too.

The wife and I are both at a crossroads where we'd like to quit our jobs. There have been a lot of changes where my wife works, and she isn't too happy about them. As for me, I'm bored with my dead-end job. Had we not acquired the Queen when we did, I would have quit years ago.

As it is now, neither of us can afford to quit until the Queen is mortgaged and we pay off the construction loan and lots of other debt. If we keep Kenney a little longer and have a month and a half long painting orgy, we may be ready to mortgage the Queen in April this year.

What will happen then? I don't know, but I really wish I did. I'm hoping that we'll have some desirable options available when that time comes.

Damn the slings and arrows, blah, blah, blah . . .


Anonymous Brenda said...

Whoa-ho-ho, my lumberjack friend, you are hearing the VOICE OF BINKY! It says to throw your galoshes OUT THE WINDOW! (One Python gloss deserves one Roz Chast reference in return.)

Yes, and I never wanted to be a corporate flack-for-hire. I am currently in active, tonic-clonic convulsions of agony over the immediate need to quit my day job, coupled with the immediate need to pay my $420,000 utility bill (estimated). As for the money to fix up our rental unit, that will have to come from knocking over a 7-11; suffering the day job doesn't even touch that baby. The current version of my lumberjack song is the "take risks so that prosperity may enter your life in new and unimaginable ways" song. This may be a Suze Orman song or something. Of course, Suze Orman makes millions telling idiots like us to quit our day jobs...after buying her book.
It is all the fault of our goddam HOUSES. But your kitchen sketches are looking good! (This is how they keep us enslaved...)

1:48 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I'm feeling disgruntled at work lately, too. Oh how I wish I could quit and work from home somehow. But I can't think of anything to do at home that will give me enough money to buy all the things I require.

1:38 PM  

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