The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Strategic Planning

Shortly after we moved the Devil Queen, my wife was abducted by aliens. It was fairly traumatic, but not entirely unexpected. We are those kind of people. Then she turned up pregnant, which was a life-altering, traumatic event. Once we recovered from the shock of it all, we started planning accordingly. Mainly, we began thinking about what we’d need to do to the Devil Queen to make it alien-spawn safe. One of our first thoughts was, “He’s going to be in the creek all the time, we’ll need to watch him.” Alien-spawn or not, drowning kids isn’t cool. We made sure that there are a number of windows with good views of the creek. You can see down there from the laundry room, the master bath room, the master bedroom, and the kitchen. Mission accomplished.

What we didn’t stop to consider is that “if you look into the abyss too long, it will look into you,” or if you’re sitting on the master bathroom toilet everyone can see you. Sure, we can hang curtains, but we haven’t made it to the civilizing stage of our project yet. All you can do for now is grin and wave.

The two views from the toilet.

Facing forward and slightly to the left.

And, over the right shoulder.


Blogger Gary said...

And you had nothing to do with the pregnancy, right?
Realize this, if the missus was abducted by aliens then she would have had an anal probe and that's where lawyers come from....

10:47 PM  
Blogger John said...

I still maintain that I am an innocent bystander.

I also deny the existance of anal probes that are not in connection to a VFW sponsored fish fry/free prostate check.

8:40 AM  

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