The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Three Legged, One Eyed Mule

Okay, I admit that I don’t nor have I ever owned a mule, but I’ve worked this car like it is one. If anyone at Saturn would like to “donate” some money to the Devil Queen, I’d more than happy to do some advertising for you. Buy a Saturn, they are nearly indestructible! Or, the 1996 model was at anyrate.

I know it’s un-American to not trade up or buy a new car every few years, but, if all cars were this tough, we wouldn’t have to. Actually, a lot of cars are probably tougher than most folks realize, it’s just that they don’t keep them around long enough after the “new” wears off to find out.

Now, there is no substitute for a good truck or van when it comes to working on a home. However, since we still don’t own one of our own, we’ve had to make do with the Saturn. Some interesting facts that you may not know about this car:

1) If you configure the seat correctly (back seat down, no passenger in the front seat), you can fit over twenty, ten-foot-long pieces of PVC pipe into the car.
2) You can haul enough tile in it to do a shower, 16 square feet of flooring, a kitchen counter top, and a hot tub surround. This includes the mortar et cetera. Of course the tires look like they're going to explode, but they didn't!
3) A 16 foot long articulating ladder will fit into the back seat if you aren’t picky about snagging some of the cloth seats (Ooops).
4) Paint is surprisingly easy to clean off the dashboard.

And, since it’s still running (under protest), I haven’t had to divert several thousand dollars for a new car from the Devil Queen – yet. I should take bets on how much longer its going to make it. Hell, I didn’t think that it would ever make it this far, so I have not idea how much longer it has. Another 25,000 miles would be nice.

3 Comments:

Blogger Archimedes24 said...

Shit, you better keep changin' your oil then. Question is, will GM survive long enough for you to get parts for your Saturn in another 250,000 miles?!?!

Sorry...my warped auto industry pessimism gene is hard to restrain.

1:57 AM  
Blogger Lenise said...

If it's like our Saturn, you've got no choice but to change the oil, as it loses a quart a week or something like that. Mine's a '95, I bought it in '98 "certified pre-owned" with an extended warranty. The oil leak and a disturbing transmission quirk developed before the warranty ran out, but do you think they fixed 'em? I realize they'd already spent more than the warranty cost, but I don't think that excuses them. The Saturn corporation didn't go to bat for me either. So we've lived with it for about six years, I guess. Mine's only up to 180k. Maybe it'll keep going longer than I thought!

9:39 AM  
Anonymous Brenda from Brooklyn said...

We love Saturns...they are so boringly reliable...we're on our 3rd (used to lease a new one every 3 years)...and they do well when hit by trucks, as wel also found out. (But the Ion is a piece of crap with cardboard interior.)

7:17 AM  

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