The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Minutiae

One thing I have noticed since we moved into the Devil Queen is that old houses sounds different. There are no street lights at the Queen, so our interior lights shine as a beacon to every bug for miles around. They swarm the windows at night. The windows are single pane glass, and the weird thing about it is things tapping on the outside of the glass often sound like they are inside the house. To make it even worse, most of our windows are in a state of semi-repair so we routinely get a few bugs in the Queen on a nightly basis. We’ve had to tape plastic drop clothes over a couple to keep the problem under control.



The worst bugs are June-bugs. I hate June-bugs. They are stupid, big, clumsy, and loud. And, the drone of their wings sounds suspiciously like a wasp’s in the dark. The last thing you want to hear as you drift off to sleep at night is the drone of a wasp in flight. This leaves you fully awake, pissed off, and searching for something kill. And, even if you know that is a June-bug, it will still buzz around the room all night, bouncing off the windows with a loud “plink,” and, at some point, crawl into bed with you. Last night was no exception, though I killed it before it could join us in bed. Little f’ing bastard. At times like these, I wish we'd moved our cat, Thera, in already. Thera likes June-bugs; they're crunchy, good eating.

I’m still getting used to the creak of the old floor boards too. On the one hand, I like this sound (I don’t know why but I always have), but, when you’re trying to sneak out of the house at 6 AM without waking the family, it sucks.

We’re going to oil the hinges soon. The living room door has started creaking like we’re living in an old horror movie. It's extra creepy at night.

And, according to my wife, there is at least one mouse in the attic. How does she know? She can hear it at night. Nice.

13 Comments:

Blogger Patricia W said...

Too funny! I'm still laughing.

We get about three lightining bugs in the house a night and on occasion...the ghastly earwig, no June bugs though. We have screens but our house is hole-y so we expect it. Also with all the rain we've got 'hell's mosquitoes' who are so totally starved they'll even attempt blood-sucking through the thickest clothing. Not fun.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Gary said...

One night when you are bored, spray the flying bugs with hairspray! It is amusing in a very sick and twisted way!

9:21 PM  
Blogger Jocelyn said...

home sweet home I see. Those definitely sound like old house problems. What wakes us in the night here occasionally are screaming crack heads in the alley- I find that less charming than June bugs... :)

4:47 PM  
Blogger Greg said...

June bugs! Man, that brings back some memories of my youth in Texas. They were the terror of my child hood. I lost count of how many of those I had shoved down my shirt and in my pants by kids on the block older than me. I seem to remember torturing a few neighbor kids with them myself.wzjltfp

10:08 PM  
Anonymous Annie said...

Ugh, June bugs totally quick me out! June bugs and earwigs, and JUNE BUGS DOWN THE PANTS?! now I'M going to have nightmares. But i think that of the two June bugs (a charming name to borrow Jocelyn's word for an egregiously upsetting bug) is far the worse and crack heads probably would trump both. Last night i had one bumping around my room, alas, my cats won't touch them - lazy freeloaders. Plus, the whole crunchy exo-skeleton thing keeps me from being able to smash them. It's a bad, bad scene.

6:17 PM  
Anonymous annie said...

make that squick. Darn publish button jumped up and bit me :)

6:18 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Thera is a really cool name for a cat. Also, my cats used to be handy for catching roaches, but they're getting lazy. Now I have to do it myself because somehow they never appear when Darwin's arround.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Oh, and your comment about trying to sneak out at 6 a.m. over squeaking floorboards ... yeah, when Darwin works nights, I have a hard time trying to make it in and out of the bedroom without waking him. The door is too tight in the space, and makes a horrible WHAM! when you open and close it, no matter how gently.

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