The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Woods Are Alive With the Sound of Gunfire…

… because we only live in the nicest places. Fall is here and everyone with high power rifle is blazing away in their backyard to prepare for beer deer camp. I can’t help but wonder if I need to buy my family hunter-orange vests and flak jackets.

In three or four weeks, our bulldozer guru will be out to level out the three random mounds of excavated dirt pilled up in the yard; they look like burial mounds for the midget kings of old, overgrown with lush forests of ragweed and poison ivy. Maybe we should have him build an earth berm around the Queen instead of leveling it? You know, our very own personal Maginot Line to stop stray 30.06 rounds.

On the other hand, that approach didn’t really work for the French. Learning a lesson from history, maybe we just need to park a tank in the front yard; that ought to make a statement (besides “Crazy, psychotic people live here”).

10 Comments:

Blogger Allison said...

How about a moat?

At the retired soldiers home in DC (for elderly veterens who can't afford nursing home), there's a huge tank on the lawn. It was pointed out at the street, but peopel complained that they had to stare down the barrel of a cannon while commuting to work. So, they moved it, so the tank appears to be attacking the soldier's home itself. I can't imaging that's good for the veterens with PTSD...

10:59 AM  
Blogger Tony Maro said...

As I recall, one of the several excuses I was given last year for why they couldn't get my washer repaired was "everyone's out deer-hunting. See you next month."

1:25 PM  
Anonymous Maryam in Marrakech said...

You know, your entry makes me think I need a little more excitement in my life;-)

1:02 AM  
Blogger John said...

Allison,

I like moats, but they have two strikes against them: 1)they don't stop bullets, 2)cottonmouths like standing water.

Tony,

The "Deer Hunting" excuse gets lots of play here too. I don't know if they still do this, but when my wife was in school, deer hunting was an excused absence.

Maryam,

Funny, living in Morocco sounds a lot more exciting than a bevy of deer hunters. They are pretty common here, more of a seasonal annoyance than anything remarkable.

Maybe it is just a matter of perspective?

7:58 AM  
Blogger John said...

Testing...

8:01 AM  
Anonymous Angus said...

Test confirmed.

The deer hunting excuse is great. When I was in Halifax the only heating in the house was an old (1930S?)cast iron oil stove. One very cold Fall it conked out, and the only guy old enough to know how to repair it was off hunting. Two weeks with no warm water or heat - lovely.

1:55 AM  
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