The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Friday, February 09, 2007


The only thing worse than having weak Kung-fu is not having any at all. Our ham-handed attempt at mouse eradication has exploded in our face. I clearly lack the Home Improvement Ninja's prowess and skill. Perhaps if I spend five years hauling buckets of water to the Ninja Fortress from the Potomac, he will deem me worthy to learn his ninja skills.

Clearly we missed a few of the interlopers in our impromptu orgy of poison, cats, and bludgeoning. Once the survivors recovered from our fearsome onslaught, they spawned a diabolical plan of hate fueled retribution which they sprung right under our noses.

Do you know why my wife's VW has taken to randomly leaving us on the side of the road? Or, why the doors lock at random intervals? Or, why the dash-lights periodically suffer from epileptic seizures? Mice were living in the VW's dashboard for a time, and, during their tenure, they stripped nearly every wire and bits of electronics there. In addition to the mental and emotion anguish, this also cost over $500 to fix if you count the tow truck as part of the expense.

Three dead mice vs. $500. Who do you think won that little exchange?

Mice of the world: I hope wild beasts feast upon your entrails you little bastards.


Blogger amanda said...

That happened to my friend who lives on a farm up near Camp David, except it was groundhogs. With big teeth chomping through essential parts of his car. He is now a rabid groundhog hunter and is constantly trying to think of new ways to blow them to bits.

7:36 AM  
Blogger Gary said...

That recipe for phosphorescent rats is probably looking good right now, eh? At least you would be able to see them at night chewing on your wires!

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband suggests putting mothballs under the
hood around the engine. You can put them in a old
sock and tie it in place. And in the case of your
wives VW putting some in the dash would be a good
idea. He said they don't see many mice that make it
into the dashboard. Mice or squirrels normally just eat the wires in the engine compartment.


3:34 PM  
Anonymous Brenda from Flatbush said...

Good Lord, I can't believe it...another mice-eat-VW story. My aunt's Beetle, in "storage" in her barn for 2 years after her death, was consumed by mice down to a metal hull, filled with ex-upholstery that had been mouse-cycled into nest fluff and poop. Is there something about VWs that is extra tasty to the murine palate?

12:37 AM  
Anonymous Angus said...

Here in Joymany the problem is Martens (weaesel like bastards). They recommend putting those little plastic toilet disinfectant things in the engine. (You know the plastic box with the green toilet puck sort of things that you hang in the can).

3:10 AM  
Blogger John said...

Wow. I guess the moral of the story is small mammals and cars don't mix.

10:43 AM  
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