Taking the 5th

As I may have mentioned before, I've been holding some stuff back. I feel kind of bad about it because I'm sure some of this stuff would make great posts. And, at the appropriate time, I'm sure some of it ("A Tale of Two Zombies" for one) will make its way here.

If you want all the gory details, you'll just have to ply me with a good dinner and a lot of liquor and see what I tell you.

Now, there are a few things that I can tell you. First, I didn't do any proper work on the Queen last night. I did tend to a few chores which could be considered "prep work" in the broadest sense but nothing to brag about. I spent most of the time on the phone plotting, scheming, and straightening out some the residual mess from the previous weekend.

Once I was finished with all that, I decided to take the rest of the night off which basically means I had a Crown & 7 while watching the end of the Godfather.

What is mostly on my mind today is the weather. Arkansas typically doesn't get any weather that could be construed as "winter weather." Sure it gets cold and wet, but that is about it. This week they are predicting snow, freezing rain, sleet, and temperatures hovering at or below freezing. This doesn't bode well for me or anyone in the state.

Since Arkansas borrows its snowplow from Missouri, just about anything that sticks to the pavement stays there. As soon as the TV weather people say the word "snow" hordes of panicked people descend upon the grocery stores and gas stations. It's not pretty: people drop-kicking each other for the last gallon of milk, stabbing each other in the face over a loaf of white bread, or just laying on the floor and sobbing out of principle.

Once they've decimated the local food supplies, they take to the roads en masse. Since they've worked themselves into an adrenaline driven mania at this point, they're driving at about 90 miles an hour. Soon mountains of dented, mired, flaming cars are strewn all over the state. And, after their cars are totaled and traffic has gridlocked, they bail out of their cars, run up and down the freeways sobbing, roll around in ditches, and act like asses in general. You may forgiven if you think this last part is hyperbole, but it is not.

While I have no desire to do so, I can drive on ice (without 1st & 2nd gears at that). I can not, however, account for how the rest of you drive. So, if it snows, I encourage the 99.5% of the population who can't drive in general or on ice in particular, to stay home because you’re a fucking menace to yourself and everyone else.

I hate winter.