The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Taking the 5th

As I may have mentioned before, I've been holding some stuff back. I feel kind of bad about it because I'm sure some of this stuff would make great posts. And, at the appropriate time, I'm sure some of it ("A Tale of Two Zombies" for one) will make its way here.

If you want all the gory details, you'll just have to ply me with a good dinner and a lot of liquor and see what I tell you.

Now, there are a few things that I can tell you. First, I didn't do any proper work on the Queen last night. I did tend to a few chores which could be considered "prep work" in the broadest sense but nothing to brag about. I spent most of the time on the phone plotting, scheming, and straightening out some the residual mess from the previous weekend.

Once I was finished with all that, I decided to take the rest of the night off which basically means I had a Crown & 7 while watching the end of the Godfather.

What is mostly on my mind today is the weather. Arkansas typically doesn't get any weather that could be construed as "winter weather." Sure it gets cold and wet, but that is about it. This week they are predicting snow, freezing rain, sleet, and temperatures hovering at or below freezing. This doesn't bode well for me or anyone in the state.

Since Arkansas borrows its snowplow from Missouri, just about anything that sticks to the pavement stays there. As soon as the TV weather people say the word "snow" hordes of panicked people descend upon the grocery stores and gas stations. It's not pretty: people drop-kicking each other for the last gallon of milk, stabbing each other in the face over a loaf of white bread, or just laying on the floor and sobbing out of principle.

Once they've decimated the local food supplies, they take to the roads en masse. Since they've worked themselves into an adrenaline driven mania at this point, they're driving at about 90 miles an hour. Soon mountains of dented, mired, flaming cars are strewn all over the state. And, after their cars are totaled and traffic has gridlocked, they bail out of their cars, run up and down the freeways sobbing, roll around in ditches, and act like asses in general. You may forgiven if you think this last part is hyperbole, but it is not.

While I have no desire to do so, I can drive on ice (without 1st & 2nd gears at that). I can not, however, account for how the rest of you drive. So, if it snows, I encourage the 99.5% of the population who can't drive in general or on ice in particular, to stay home because you’re a fucking menace to yourself and everyone else.

I hate winter.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Leslie said...

I live in North Carolina...not the mountains where they are used to snow but the middle of the state where they most definately aren't prepared. We are supposed to have "wintery precipitation" tomorrow which at this point could mean about anything but usually means an inch or two of snow followed by freezing rain. Really, there is no point in having snow plows here because it never stays snow for very long...winter precip here is mostly ice. Anyway, I am originally from Michigan and can drive on this stuff as well as anyone I supposed but I too refuse to get out with all the other people that can't.

All that is to say that I too will be staying in the house tomorrow. So please post a fun blog entry to entertain me...

11:05 AM  
Anonymous Patricia W. said...

John,

It sounds like Texas. I am also a native Michigander who lived in Texas for 20 years before moving back home. Down there we usually got ice and nobody can drive on pure ice. Instead of getting out in the traffic I would always stay at home and watch from my 3rd floor apartment balcony as five different cars all attempted to climb the same ice covered hill and slowly slide backward until they slid into the last guy that tried to top the hill. it's insanity for sure.

2:36 PM  
Blogger My Marrakech said...

I hate it, too. That's why I moved somewhere that didn't have one:-)

5:25 PM  
Blogger John said...

Leslie, I'll do my best.

Patricia, I would, but my job emphatically requires us to show up for the "on" season. So, I'm at my Dad's.

Maryam, you're living the dream. We're thinking Hawaii today.

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