The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Happy Shub-Niggurath or The Hanged Man

As far as the Devil Queen is concerned, not much has happened. I did hook up the other sink in the master bathroom though. That drain leaks too but not as badly. And unless fighting a ongoing dual with what I suspect to be a monster wasps' nest counts as working on the house, the sink is the only "progress" I can claim. Really, it's pretty sad.

Fortunately, not doing anything on the Devil Queen has left me with just enough time to half-ass my sole contribution to the Cthulhu Mythos, the Happy Shub-Niggurath (technically is should be the Happy Young of Shub-Niggurath, The Black Goat with a Thousand Young, but bugger that).

Scarlet and I did some strategic planning last weekend too. We're trying to hire a good painter to salvage/finish the exterior paint job and a good plumber to do some remedial plumbing. We also need to have our gravel drive and parking area expanded in preparation for our covenants mandated car-storage. We're opting for a carport. And, we're going to need Kenny and Burt to come back for a couple of weeks to build the carport, do some trim work, and other finishing projects.

While this sounds like a nice plan, there is the ugly fact that we will need ass loads of money for all of this. Now, the industrious DIY'er that you are may be thinking, "Hell, you could save ass loads of money if you did it yourself, duh!" And, you'd be right. However, I have learned several important lessons about life slaving away on the Devil Queen. One of the lessons is this: you are allotted a finite amount of time in this world; it is up to you to determine how you'd like to spend it. After something like four years of indentured servitude to a house, I'd like to spend my time doing something else, and I am willing to pay for the pleasure.

Another lesson that I've learned is that Scarlet and I have a much happier marriage when we do not do plumbing together. Doing it by ourselves when the other one is home isn't much better. At this point, spending approximately five weekends under the Devil Queen plumbing together could be catastrophic. Frankly, less damage would be done to our relationship if Scarlet caught me in a compromising position with a hooker and a hash-pipe.

Yet another lesson we've learned is we're actually better at scrounging money than we are at a number of home improvement projects. It's typically a good idea to play to your strengths, right?

And, this is not to say that we're completely abandoning the DIY ethos. There are innumerable little projects that I plan to undertake in the coming months: refinishing floors, painting ceilings, installing hardware, et cetera. There is definitely more than enough fun for everyone!

In additional to all of this, we need to start planning for the holidays.

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