The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Friday, November 30, 2007

2007 Dumbass Award Winner

As long time readers of the Devil Queen know, Thanksgiving means it is time for this year's Dumbass Award. For those of you who are not familiar with this family tradition, the Dumbass Award is my in-laws' version of the Darwin Award (minus the whole death-by-stupidity angle). After Thanksgiving dinner, nominations are taken, the incriminating stories recounted, and a vote taken. The winner gets a plaque with their name and all previous winners' names on it. They must display the plaque in a prominent place for the whole year and bring it to the next year's Thanksgiving dinner to be passed on to the new "dumbest of us all."

Here are some previous winners:

2004 Dumbass Award

2005 Dumbass Award (the funniest one to date)

2006 Dumbass Award

Despite my prediction that I would be this years winner, I lost out to my wife's cousin, Kevin Owen. While the story was decent, I still think that the only reason I didn't win was because Scarlet galloped far too fast through the telling of the story. While the story was decent, I still think that the only reason I didn't win was because Scarlet galloped far too fast through the telling of the story. Charlie pointed this out after the fact, and I have to agree. It should always be remembered that good comedic timing is extremely important.

And, I suspect there was some behind the scenes politicing going on. For instance, Uncle Mike hasn't been nominated for one since he bought his wife a new car. Coincidence? I doubt it.

Kevin is a pugnacious kind of guy who likes a good fight to work off tension. Since he has been known to piss off more people in one sitting than even a big fellow like himself can easily manage, he likes to carry some back-up, a pocket taser.

Kevin and his wife were playing slot machines somewhere in Mississippi one night, and Kevin went on a short drive to a local ATM for some more money. The taser was in his pant's pocket. Apparently, if he shifted his weight just right while driving the taser would go off giving him a nice jolt. Again. And again. And again. All of the way to the ATM and all of the way back.

His wife said that he was "real wild eyed" by the time he made it back with the money, but she didn't figure out why until later.

After the story was told, my mom leaned over and asked Scarlet, "but why didn't he stop and take it out of his pocket after it went off the first time?"

Scarlet grinned and said, "I don't know, and that is why he's going to win."

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6 Comments:

Blogger Sandy said...

I laughed so hard at that story that my girls (two cats) came to see what was the matter with me!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I lol'd again!!
Fantastic!

-- Janine

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