The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Monolith That Towers Over Me

Bigger is not always better. And, it doesn’t matter how you use. If you can’t get the damn thing through the doorway, it’s no use to you at all. Trimming it with a chain saw just doesn’t seem right. Power tools are just not the cure-all you’d like them to be.



Here is our beautiful beast.

It takes three grown men to move it and it won’t fit through one interior doorway in the house. It’s two inches too much, so it has to go. Anyone want an armoire? Come with $800 and a truck and it is yours. We’ll even help you load it.

Otherwise, it’s going to the antique store in Atkins, forever. Once it’s gone, we can refinish the hall floor too. I hope.

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14 Comments:

Blogger Jen said...

Most of the old oversized wardrobes "break-down" into smaller pieces, and then can be put back together. (one way they use to get these large pieces through doors) I learned this at an antique store once. maybe worth the try....maybe not....just a thought.

2:55 PM  
Blogger Ranty said...

Man, if I lived in Arkansas I'd be RIGHT OVER to take it!!!!!

7:23 PM  
Blogger Gary said...

Just think, if you lived in Texas that thing would be ginormous! They say things are bigger in Texas but last time I was there it wasn't exactly true. Know wot I mean? Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Angus said...

I'm sure you've checked it but I was gonna suggest what Jen said. I think it's more common over here (I hadn't seen it before I came over) but all our old ones are disassembleable. Inside they have simple wooden or metal 'tension brackets' which hold them together. Top comes off, bottom comes off and the rest comes apart.

11:22 PM  
Blogger Jayne said...

Wow! That armoire is beautiful. And huge. Here's hoping Jen & Angus (love that name) are right.

2:30 AM  
Blogger Sandy said...

What a beautiful wardrobe! I am also hoping Jen and Angus are correct. They just don't make furniture like that any more.

5:39 AM  
Blogger John said...

Thanks everyone.

First, I had no idea that a lot of older ones break-down. That is very cool and makes a lot of sense.

Second, the problem is that they still do make nice big armoires. This one was bought at an estate sale, but it probably isn't more than 15-20 years old. It is a reproduction which is made of some sort of "new" mahagony in Brazil or somewhere similar. The craftmanship isn't anywhere like it used to be though. To the makers' credit, most people don't notice unless they know what to look for. As far as I can tell, the armoire does not break-down. It would be a god-send if it did. I might give it another once over just incase.

In any case, you all definately gave me something to think about.

8:11 AM  
Blogger Derek said...

the armoire I'm making is dwarved by that behemoth. I'm making mine a break down, since I tested the top, and it doesn't make the corner at the top of the stairs.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Brenda from Flatbush said...

I am not, not reveling in your misfortune, but the tags "decrapification" and "woe" are the first things to make me smile all day thru one bitchin' earache. I am reminded of the lovely camelback couch we ordered for a ground-floor brownstone apartment--back onto the truck it went. (Upper floors have handy "coffin turns" in many brownstones, but ours didn't.) Congratulations on Chain Saw Restraint.

6:32 PM  
Blogger Fargo said...

If you were closer to Chicago, I would be tempted.

8:12 AM  
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