The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Will I Burn in Hell?

Ladies and gentlemen, I need some hand holding. What do you think about a door like this for the Devil Queen? Since her original, 118 year old door was done in by some morally degenerate thief, I need a replacement. And, I need it soon because what is left of the original door is falling apart. So, waiting for months or years for the perfect, period piece is not an option.





Will I burn in hell for replacing our kicked-in front door with something like this? This door is new, solid wood from National Home Center.
Yes, there is a special place for people like you.
Yes.
Maybe.
No, but it still sucks.
No.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

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18 Comments:

Anonymous alan herrell - the head lemur said...

Yes, Maybe, and No...

Yes!

The preservation loons will scour the web looking for your house and will put burning bags of crap on your porch until you come out, then they will scream and yell, "there she is! that's the woman who has defiled and defaced the temple of old!"

They will drag you off your porch, rip down the door, duct tape you to it, and drag you through the village, until the door is a paper thin sliver that they will use as a cloak to cover you up as they toss you into a feed truck headed for any other village.

Maybe...

99% of the folks who drive, walk, or enter your home, will not know anything unless you point it out. Beware, as one of them may be a preservation loon and what happened above will come to pass.

No...
It is your house and you can do what you want. 20 years after you are dead our children will reading about this woman who put this door on their house, or the next owner will be a blogger and will refer to you as the PO.

3:00 PM  
Blogger G8rAlly said...

No, because:
1) You must have a door.
2) Appropriate to your home's original look or not, the one pictured is a very nice door.
3) You can always keep looking for the perfect, period-appropriate replacement, and change it out later.

Invest in the best non-period-appropriate big-ass deadbolt lock you can find, and reinforce the door jamb while you're at it.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Jayne said...

So...right after I voted no, another window opened up to something called The Dumb Test. Coincidence, or no? Hmmm... Anyway, you have to have a door. It's winter. It's cold. The bastids might come back. And G8rAlly is right, you can always be on the lookout for the perfect period door. If you post the measurements, I'll help you look! There's an antique shop here in town that has several antique doors reasonably priced.

4:20 AM  
Blogger Christopher Busta-Peck said...

There are two courses of action that I would suggest you consider:

1. Find a door, either new or used, that will do the job well enough until you can afford/find the door that you want. I've seen a surprising number of good, solid exterior doors cheap on Craigslist, eBay, and at my local ReStore. I bet that you could find something that would do the job for $50 or less - heck, I've seen nice exterior doors locally for $20 and less, but you probably don't have the luxury of time, given your current door situation.

2. Get a door that's a decent compromise between the door of your dreams and what's out there on the market. Many times, I've skipped over possible choices because they weren't exactly what I was looking for. With these old houses, it seems, often parts and fixtures that are pretty good will cost a tenth of what the ones that are perfect cost. Look at all the ones you can find that fit your existing jamb, new or used, and narrow your decision from there.

I'm in a similar door dilemma right now. My front door was originally mostly glass - 21 panes. They have since been replaced with wood. It'd improve the look of the front of my house to replace them with glass, but it would let in a lot of cold air and I'm a little concerned about the security of it, too. So then I start thinking about just replacing it with another old door. Of course, as a result, I end up doing nothing.

7:05 AM  
Anonymous Home Interior said...

Yes I agree with christopher coz I have gone through these prices regarding budjet and our taste. Thanks for sharing.

8:32 AM  
Blogger Jenni said...

I hate to say this, especially because I have an UGLY door that I tried to hide by painting BRIGHT yellow, but the oval glass is just wrong.

Anyway you do have to have a door....and I suggest Habitat Restore. Our local store always has TONS of doors even slightly used ones like the oval glass. The solid doors are 20-30 bucks.

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Christopher and Jenni both have very good points, along the lines of what I was going to suggest. Buy a less expensive but serviceable solid door and spend more time looking for the right one without an urgent deadline. This one just isn't right. You'll know the right one when you find it, and you won't be sheepishly asking if you'll burn in hell.

I'm facing a similar search, but fortunately without a deadline. We have a cheesy 1970s door that just looks all wrong on our 1923 bungalow.

I see some new doors out there with stained or beveled glass inserts that are fine except for that bright brass. IMO, that can make an otherwise nice door look cheesy. If I find a door that is suitable except for the glass, I may order a custom insert from a friend who makes stained glass. Doesn't have to be fancy. I'm just not a fan of that twinkly-bright look.

11:22 AM  
Blogger boy141 said...

John,

Call South Front Antiques at 901-527-0109 (in Memphis) and see if he has any front doors for sale. This guy goes to homes (victorian, tudor, etc) that will be demo-ed out and gets everything (floors, doors, windows). He might have the door for the devil queen

8:54 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

You can always put in a period door later, yes?

You aren't altering the size or frame of the door to install this one?

So do it and don't worry.

1:05 PM  
Blogger Sandy said...

I agree with G8rAlly!

7:50 PM  
Blogger Larry said...

LOL LOL LOL

I just HAD to vote YES for the fun of it.

This door is a nice one and you can always replace it with a more appropriate one when you find it.

Besides, if you go tell hell for not being perfect in your restoration then we're all doomed!!

8:18 PM  
OpenID ottawa-emptor said...

@ alan herrel - the head lemur

JESUS. John's had a sex change??

@ John

Dude. Get your Arkansas on. Put on a screen door and staple a dead possum to it. If people come by, make your chortles sound like "Hoy'uck!" and say "well gee we gone got urselves this heer purdy door and that thar possum came with it fur FREE! I coulda just SPIT!!"

And then punch them in the mouth for juding your door.

Bonus points for wearing blue overalls and having a jug with three X's on it.

6:03 PM  
Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

hmmm....well, if you want a door like that, shoot me an email. My dad has a LOT of those as a result of a past business venture gone bad. He's been getting rid of them slowly. He lives in West Palm Beach, FL but I'm sure it will be a lot cheaper than a home store would be if you can figure out a way to get it to you.

homeimprovementninja@gmail.com

1:57 PM  
Blogger Jenni said...

uhhh. Nevermind. I like the dead possum idea best. ;-)

5:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

poke poke poke
poke
poke poke poke poke
POKE
POKE
John?
poke poke poke
POKE MOTHER FREAKIN' POKE

-- Janine

12:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please update? Please? Are you OK?

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Kate H. said...

Johnnie, where be ye, mon? Has yon ghastie finally got ye?

5:52 PM  
Blogger Tarr said...

ok. Back away from the possum.

That door is awful but not as awful as John becoming a woman.

I've noticed a great slackness in the houseblog world of late. Nothing happening at the Tiny Cabin in the woods either. I am glad to say the latest ice storm did nothing to us.

6:52 PM  

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