The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

My Photo
Name:
Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Home Improvement Zombies


We had a surprisingly good weekend. Did we work much on the Devil Queen? Of course not! Maybe that is why the weekend was so nice? But, as Monday succinctly proved, our bon vivant existence could not last. Now, we’re looking down the long, black barrel of the week. The weekend seems so far away.

Since we’re too tired, too demoralized, and too busy to work on the Queen, we’ve given up on all pretense of being good, God-fearing folk. Between the decadent three hour dinners and the next bottle of wine, we’ve managed to work in enough time to raise a few zombies from the grave and set them to work on the Devil Queen. Sure, it sounds like a lot of work, but it’s surprising how much easier raising the dead is than scraping paint or refinishing a floor. To be honest, I don’t know why more people are not doing it. And, the whole flesh/brain eating thing is pure bullshit, just one more urban legend.

Besides, zombies are very low maintenance. If you take proper care of them (keep them dry and store in a cool dark place), they’ll easily last until their arms fall off. The “stench of an open grave” thing is a myth too. Sure they have an “earthy” odor, but it’s not too bad if you rub them with vanilla or a nice cocoa scented body lotion every couple of days. Remember, a well cared for zombie is a happy zombie.

The only complication with this plan is my wife’s zombie phobia. Since she’s been working such ungodly hours at the newspaper the last few weeks, I’ve been able to work the zombies for few extra hours a day, but I haven’t had much luck getting her out of the house on the weekends. I’ve had to make up some pretty lame excuses for the sudden progress being made on the Queen. I’m not sure what it says about my wife that she is okay with flying monkeys working on the house. Nothing is ever easy and it seldom makes sense even when it does work. I mean, what kind of marriage do you have if you are reduced to sneaking around behind your partner's back? It is just sad what this damn house has reduced us to.

10 Comments:

Blogger John said...

In case you can't read the subtext on the pic, "Why do it yourself if the dead will do it for you?"

Sorry for the SNAFU.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Now where do I find some zombies to work on my house?

2:21 PM  
Blogger SmilingJudy said...

haa-haa-haaa-haaaa

5:01 PM  
Anonymous Rat-Boy said...

kristin, you mail order them. They come 6 to a box.


Like bon-bons.

(Cast A Deadly Spell was such an underated movie)

5:11 PM  
Blogger Allison said...

Can somebody post a link to the mailorder company? Do they offer rush delivery? I need some ASAP.

takoma-bark

8:49 AM  
Blogger Jocelyn said...

HA. When I read the caption I thought, "now that's a subject I can relate to- we feel like zombies plenty of times."

2:31 PM  
Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

ninest123 11.13
jordan shoes, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton outlet, louis vuitton outlet, burberry handbags, christian louboutin outlet, replica watches, uggs outlet, tory burch outlet, polo outlet, ray ban sunglasses, longchamp outlet, tiffany jewelry, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet online, nike free, michael kors outlet online, nike air max, oakley sunglasses wholesale, ugg boots, michael kors outlet store, gucci handbags, oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, replica watches, cheap oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, uggs on sale, tiffany and co, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet online, longchamp outlet, louis vuitton, nike air max, christian louboutin uk, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, christian louboutin, prada handbags, nike outlet, oakley sunglasses, burberry outlet, uggs outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet online, prada outlet, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses

7:21 PM  
Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

juicy couture outlet, lancel, pandora uk, moncler outlet, moncler, pandora jewelry, louis vuitton, supra shoes, swarovski, converse outlet, michael kors handbags, moncler, thomas sabo, canada goose, pandora charms, juicy couture outlet, barbour uk, louis vuitton, canada goose, louis vuitton, hollister, doudoune moncler, canada goose jackets, ugg pas cher, ugg, montre pas cher, moncler outlet, canada goose outlet, barbour, doke gabbana, canada goose uk, karen millen uk, moncler, louis vuitton, ugg uk, canada goose outlet, replica watches, moncler uk, pandora jewelry, louis vuitton, marc jacobs, links of london, wedding dresses, swarovski crystal, coach outlet, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, toms shoes, michael kors outlet, moncler, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, canada goose outlet, canada goose

7:23 PM  
Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

nike free uk, burberry pas cher, ralph lauren uk, michael kors pas cher, sac vanessa bruno, coach outlet store online, nike air max uk, true religion outlet, nike roshe, ray ban uk, jordan pas cher, michael kors, coach outlet, hollister pas cher, converse pas cher, hollister uk, louboutin pas cher, timberland pas cher, polo ralph lauren, longchamp pas cher, nike trainers uk, north face, lululemon canada, ray ban pas cher, guess pas cher, nike air max, nike blazer pas cher, sac hermes, nike air max uk, mulberry uk, true religion jeans, true religion outlet, hogan outlet, nike huaraches, vans pas cher, true religion outlet, michael kors outlet, north face uk, michael kors, oakley pas cher, coach purses, abercrombie and fitch uk, air max, nike roshe run uk, sac longchamp pas cher, new balance, polo lacoste, nike free run, nike tn, nike air force

7:26 PM  
Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

abercrombie and fitch, valentino shoes, wedding dresses, mont blanc pens, ghd hair, lululemon, hermes belt, converse, iphone 5s cases, baseball bats, bottega veneta, iphone 6 plus cases, soccer shoes, ray ban, north face outlet, oakley, reebok outlet, iphone cases, vans outlet, iphone 6 cases, asics running shoes, beats by dre, soccer jerseys, nike air max, hollister, vans, mac cosmetics, new balance shoes, ferragamo shoes, nike roshe run, nike air max, babyliss, north face outlet, timberland boots, chi flat iron, herve leger, louboutin, s6 case, celine handbags, ipad cases, mcm handbags, insanity workout, giuseppe zanotti outlet, iphone 6s cases, ralph lauren, jimmy choo outlet, instyler, gucci, p90x workout, iphone 6s plus cases, hollister clothing, nfl jerseys
ninest123 11.13

7:33 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Free Web Site Counter
Website Counter