The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Verdict

After consulting with our panel of judges, a unanimous verdict has been reached in regard to the laundry room: I have replicated Pee Wee's Playhouse.

The irony is inescapable. Even as kid, I despised Pee Wee's Playhouse. At the age of nine, I found Pee Wee extremely annoying, he offended my delicate sensibilities.

Apparently, the insidious little man wormed his way into the deepest recesses of my subconscious mind to produce this two decades later.

A sure as God made plump, white maggots, the colors are identical!

In a parallel dimension somewhere in our universe, there is a Me who has managed his time and resources far better than I have in the here and now. In this dimension, I would go back and repaint the room to remedy this terrible miscarriage of color, vomited forth from the fetid cesspool of my mind. Or, better yet, he would have taken the time to pick the proper colors in the beginning. Instead, held in the vice grip of my deadline, we will as my wife so aptly phrased it, "make it work."
I certainly hope we can. Settling is such a sad business, but it is certainly a lot less work than doing it right.
Leason learned? Just because two paint chips look good together doesn't mean they'll look good together as room.

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Blogger Gary said...

kxzdyReminds me of that old joke;

In the history of American theater only two people have EVER been shot in the back of the head. President Lincoln and the guy sitting in front of Pee Wee Herman....

10:31 AM  
Blogger John said...

Never heard that one before, but surprisingly funny. I nearly blew my coffee.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Fargo said...

Ah, the power of those subliminal things lurking in memory can be truly scary at times.

12:04 PM  
Anonymous mindy said...

My brother actually LOVED Pee Wee Herman. He had a doll, in fact, that said "I know you are but what am I?" over and over and over again when you pulled it's string.

Being reminded of that makes me want to find my brother and smack him upside the head a few times. It was an awful toy to subject a kid sister to.

Maybe the paint scheme will grow on you once things are in the room. Or maybe, like us, you'll end up repainting it 3 times even though you swear that THIS TIME you're going to live with it no matter what.

12:37 PM  
Anonymous wretched homeowner said...

Well, the wall color is quite nice. If you just painted over the woodwork in plain (albeit boring) white, perhaps the result would not be as evocative of the set of a wacky children's TV show? Since you are planning to sell the house when you finish, boring might not even be a bad thing. Of course having to repaint even a small amount of a room you JUST FINISHED can seem like a prison sentence, so the "making it work" approach may be the way to go. Good luck and thanks for all the pics -- it's great to see your progress!

5:56 PM  
Anonymous Brenda from Flatbush said...

This had me laughing so hard I nearly spilled a gallon can of Navajo white ...

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Sarah Graves said...

Oh! Navajo white...we have used gallons of that stuff! Meanwhile, I wonder if enough non-paint white things might help blunt the Pee-Wee effect. Like curtains, maybe? And even a big white framed poster of some kind? I've noticed that in gardens, enough white flowers will get other colors to look more good-ish...

12:12 PM  
Blogger John said...

Thanks for the comments everyone. The yellow is more buttery than sunshine, but it is fine as is. The scary Pee Wee Green is another issue. And, not that you can tell in this picture, but it not only covers the woodwork, but two full walls as well. No small chore to repaint. We may repaint it (God help us if feel the need to do it THREE times) if we live here long enough. But, I think it is more probable that we'll make do with it. As Sarah suggested, we're thinking about going white. Our washer & dryer are white and will fill one corner. The tub & tile are white. The toliet and sink are white. Add curtains, mirrors, etc and it might look okay albeit, quirky. I hope.

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