The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Friday, July 06, 2007

Phase II Officially Begins, Maybe.

My wife and I went into hiding for a long weekend in honor of our wedding anniversary. While we were ostensibly celebrating, we couldn't help but talk about the Devil Queen. I mean, what fun is an anniversary if you can speak candidly about your mistress with your wife. This brings to mind the memorable Christmas when Scarlet's grandfather brought his mistress home for the family's holiday celebration, but I digress.

While I may have already mentioned this before, we officially declared Phase I of our project complete. And, it only took 3+ years. How long did we think it would take? For those of you who are drinking something or feeling the need to visit the restroom, you might want to finish what you're doing before you continue. I'd hate for anything at your computer to get wet. We though Phase I would take one year.

Anyhow, keeping that in mind, we've begun planning Phase II. Basically, we made a list. I'm not sure if that really counts as beginning, but, as you may have guessed, we are quite at home with our delusions. And, since we are such seasoned Home Improvement Experts, what is our projected time frame? Six months.

So, what is on the list?

1) Clean out the shit. Specifically all the junk squatting in the bay window room. Bonfire or Goodwill, it must go.
2) Build a carport (required by our neighborhood covenants). We plan to hire Kenny.
3) Order glass shower door and have it installed.
4) Order and install a trash compactor.
5) Finish installing all quarter-round and miscellaneous trim.
6) Clean up yard, haul off trash, etc.
7) Work out all the bugs in our plumbing system.
8) Finish refinishing all the floors.
9) Paint the skirt and all window trim.
10) Fix, repair, and clean up all the door knobs, locks, etc slapped on 15 minutes before the appraisal.
11) Order and install a custom storm door.
12) Reinstall all the storm windows.
13) Install gutters and down spouts.
14) Paint all the ceilings that only got a good priming before the appraisal (living room, dining room, and the master bedroom).
15) Widen and expand the drive and parking area.
16) Miscellaneous details.

Really, it doesn't sound too bad except that I really haven't had the time, interest, or energy to start any of it. That, and it will probably cost around $5000 to do all this too. In case you are wondering, we don't have that on hand either.

Any, how let the games begin. Maybe. How about next week?

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5 Comments:

Blogger April said...

I think you would have more motivation to start the work if you shared the Christmas/grandpa/mistress story. I am kinda curious...

11:02 PM  
Blogger Jason & Heather said...

I'd love to hear that story too.

6:24 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

Hi, John,

I'm doing an article for Victorian Homes magazine about Victorian homes and the growing blogging community. Would you be open to answering a five or so questions in an online interview? This would provide me with information I could include in the article.

If this is something you're interested in, email me at rluellam at earthlink dot net.

Thanks for considering this.

Becky
(Rebecca LuElla Miller)

2:16 PM  
Blogger John said...

Becky,

Absolutely. I sent an email to you today and look forward to hearing from you.

- John

6:00 AM  
Blogger John said...

April and Jason,

The Christmas in question happened before I married into the family. I'll have to ask my mother-in-law for all the details.

6:01 AM  

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