Maintaining a Positive Attitude
I can’t think of a more rewarding way to build character: scraping paint, pulling nails, sanding floors, plumbing drains, glazing windows, and hauling off tons of construction debris. It makes me smarter, stronger, and tougher. This is what I want to spend my entire adult life doing. If I die striping paint, I will die a happy, fulfilled man.
Fuck it, who I am kidding? I’m tired of this shit.
What I really want is a horde of willing, skilled laborers to descend up the Devil Queen like a biblical plague and finish her, every goddamned last bit for FREE. I’d love to give them a carte blanche, but my wife has some very definite preferences when it comes to design or paint color. Actually, I do too but I’ll put it all on her so I don’t look too demanding. No, to be honest, I’m the anal retentive ass-wipe in this relationship. So, I can’t give a carte blanche because I want it my way. See, isn’t honesty liberating?
Presumptuous? Of course it is. There has to be some unfettered egomania at work with some other serious, disturbing psychology issues when you believe that people should be honored to have the pleasure of working for you for free.
From time to time, housebloggers talk about house-fairies. I don’t believe in them (that’s right Tinkerbelle, I just killed your ass). That isn’t to say that I don’t believe in supernatural creatures with a penchant for finished carpentry; it just seems more probable that they are flying monkeys or Fomori. You know, some seriously wicked looking shit. Hell, there is even biblical precedence for this. What did Solomon build the temple with? Pixies? Nope, he used a horde of pissed-off demons.
Really, I know I can’t depend on supernatural intervention to clean up this mess. When reality rears its ugly head, I know that prison labor is all I can count on now. Unfortunately, it isn’t as easy to come by as it was in the good old days. I may have to write my state representative to see if he can hook me up or get some new enabling legislation passed for me.
Fuck it, who I am kidding? I’m tired of this shit.
What I really want is a horde of willing, skilled laborers to descend up the Devil Queen like a biblical plague and finish her, every goddamned last bit for FREE. I’d love to give them a carte blanche, but my wife has some very definite preferences when it comes to design or paint color. Actually, I do too but I’ll put it all on her so I don’t look too demanding. No, to be honest, I’m the anal retentive ass-wipe in this relationship. So, I can’t give a carte blanche because I want it my way. See, isn’t honesty liberating?
Presumptuous? Of course it is. There has to be some unfettered egomania at work with some other serious, disturbing psychology issues when you believe that people should be honored to have the pleasure of working for you for free.
From time to time, housebloggers talk about house-fairies. I don’t believe in them (that’s right Tinkerbelle, I just killed your ass). That isn’t to say that I don’t believe in supernatural creatures with a penchant for finished carpentry; it just seems more probable that they are flying monkeys or Fomori. You know, some seriously wicked looking shit. Hell, there is even biblical precedence for this. What did Solomon build the temple with? Pixies? Nope, he used a horde of pissed-off demons.
Really, I know I can’t depend on supernatural intervention to clean up this mess. When reality rears its ugly head, I know that prison labor is all I can count on now. Unfortunately, it isn’t as easy to come by as it was in the good old days. I may have to write my state representative to see if he can hook me up or get some new enabling legislation passed for me.
posted by John | 6:20 PM
5 Comments:
Oh my God, John, I'm falling off my chair laughing. You are truly at your most hilarious when you're frustrated. Good luck getting through this rough patch. Look at where you were a year ago. At least you're in the house! Good luck! If you didn't live so far away, I'd trade labor with you.
You get what you pay for. Now would you like FREE advice or good advice?
Amanda,
Thanks. You couldn't me more right about where we were a year ago; my wife and I were talking about that over the weekend. Freaking amazing.
If only we still lived in Rockville. . .
Gary,
Excellent point. I've learned some about that the hard way.
It's all about perspective! At least, that's what I tell myself in my still unfinished basement. At least we have walls. A year ago we had no walls. You used to live in Rockville?? You'll have to tell me about that sometime!
Prison labor? Excellent idea!
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