The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Binding the Beast, Demonology Part II

I gambled it all last night, and I hooked up the washing machine. David, you're right. I do love the little beast, but I have to admit that I haven't washed anything in it.

In hindsight, I feel like a retard which really isn't all that unusual. The way that I obsessed about hooking up the beast, the anxiety I wallowed in, and the loathing I felt are absurd. But, I can only say that because the damn thing seems to work. Remember that "simple" hooking up the bathroom sink job we did for Christmas? I do. It was not pretty. Why should this be any different?

I read the instructions about a dozen times before I even touched the thing. I connected the water lines, flushed the lines, connected them to the washer, set up the drain pipe and leveled the beast. Leveling it was actually the hardest part. It alone probably accounted for fifty percent of the time I spent on this project. So far, so good.

Then I plugged it in, flipped the breaker on line, set it on "delicates," and pushed start. I was so nervous that my stomach vaguely entertained the ultimate drama, puking.

No, I didn't load it with clothes or soap the first time out. Cleaning up water is bad enough. Soapy water all over the wood floors? No thank you. And, over the next thirty minutes, I anxiously watched it whirl and slosh its way through the cycle. Everything seems to work just fine, a sure sign something must be terribly wrong. Then, it was over. No puddles, geysers, fires, explosions, or malicious supernatural phenomenon.


And, this morning as I got ready for work, I checked it again. Still no laundry room disasters.

Tonight, I'm going to go crazy with it. The question I must now wrestle with is, "whites or colored?"

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Anonymous Cat M. said...

Congratulations on no disasters with the snazzy front loader. Just don't put much soap in--err on the side of caution. My front loader (different brand) takes 1/4 of what my old top loader did. If I put in more, I get an I Love Lucy episode in my laundry room.

I suspect the only bugaboo will be minor frustration with the direction the machine's door opens with your room layout.

Enjoy your new toy--

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Midwestkids said... jealous! We have some old 1970's washer and I swear it uses so much water and energy that the lights in Washington, DC dim a bit when we run it. With the home warranty I'm to stingy to replace it, so hopefully it will die beyond repair before 9/11/07.

2:48 PM  
Anonymous Brenda from Flatbush said...

Dude, you are a SLAYER!!

7:55 AM  
Anonymous Kathy from NJ said...

I agree with Brenda's comment from a few days ago. How can you possibly even think about selling her? I would suggest that after the financing is finalized you take the rest of the summer off, enjoy the fruits of your labor and maybe fall in love with her again.

10:14 AM  
Blogger John said...

Cat M., thanks for the tip. Seems very important to know, wouldn't have thought of that on my own.

midwestkids, I know what you mean. This is the nicest appliance I've ever owned. I still don't feel like it's mine.

Brenda, thanks!

Kathy, not a bad idea if I can afford to do it. I'll be addressing the whole to sell/not to sell issue in the near future.

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