The Devil Queen

How my wife and I sold our souls to the Queen Anne Victorian we tried to save.

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Location: Crow Mountain, Arkansas, United States

Synopsis: This is a cautionary tale. A seriously disturbed couple find the charming, old ruin of a Queen Anne Victorian in Russellville, Arkansas, and buy it for $1.00. They tore the roof off, cut it in half, and had it moved to some land they owned sixteen miles away because they didn't know any better. Since then, they have hired and fired contractors, had all of their tools stolen, re-wired, re-plumbed, insulated, and essentially rebuilt the entire house. Their only problem is that after four years it still isn't finished. Now they are tired, broke, and wonder what in the hell it is they've done to themselves. And, it's haunted.
(Last updated on April 3, 2008)

Press: Russellville Courier Article - December 2003, HGTV website article, AP story - October 2006, and Victorian Homes Magazine - February 2008 (link coming soon).
Art: From time to time, I receive requests for my art. If you would like to look at more of my art, go to The Failed Artist. If you would like to buy my art, email me. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Thanks!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Death-Wish Wish Fulfillment

There are wasps in our attic. At first I thought they were living in the trim where the master bathroom joins to the rest of the house. That was wishful thinking. They are in fact in the attic. I deduced this by watching them slowly piling bits of blown insulation from the attic on the porch roof to make room for their horrific love nest.

The freak snow storm we had earlier this week was probably one of the last appearance of winter for the year. Soon, spring will be here. When it arrives, the wasps will come with it. Now is the time for me to strike.

I've done a bit of research and preparation. Bug-bombs are out and Spectracide aerosol wasp spray are in. Now, all I have to do is make my way into the attic on a cold night, find the nest without drawing too much attention to myself, hose it down with poison, make my way back to the attic hatch (50-60 feet back to the rear of the house) without getting stung or falling through the ceiling. I anticipate this being as much fun as swimming around the Great Barrier Reef with a five gallon bucket of chum tied around my neck.

Later, just for kicks, I can climb onto the roof and plug the hole into the attic.

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7 Comments:

Anonymous Kelli said...

Oh no! Well, at least you can figure out exactly where they're coming from. One house we lived in had aluminum siding over wood siding and the wasps were going under the aluminum to chew off the wood underneath to build nests. Because there were so many openings to get through the aluminum (wasn't the best job of putting that siding up) there was no way to effectively kill all the wasps. Good luck in your mission. Here's wishing you a sting-free spring!

Kelli
www.ournewoldhouse.com

11:12 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Good luck! Maybe if you wear thick clothes and tuck everything in and wear a bee keeper hat... :)

12:19 PM  
Blogger StuccoHouse said...

I think when you are done with your wasps, you should come to my house and do the same for the bats in my attic. I can't even bring mylsef to blog about them, but laughed out loud when I saw your tags "fear" & "loathing." That sure sums it up, doesn't it?

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know whether this is true, so research it if you find it even slightly interesting, but I read (when I was attacking my own ongoing wasp infestation) that if you set up a light in a place different from where you are, the wasps will go towards that instead of you. I also read that they won't come after you when it's cold and dark and they're sleeping. I hope that's true. I'm going after them again myself. I am always terrified every time I do. I have never had an allergic reaction, but I'm so afraid of being swarmed, I got a set of epipens before going after them the first time. So far, I'm still living.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Fargo said...

Ooh, I'm jealous. Sounds even more exciting than the kitchen sink/faucet replacement we're planning to do today. Good luck! I hope you escape sting-free.

6:10 AM  
Blogger John said...

Kelli, well not exactly. It turned out to be far more complicated than I anticipated. There will be a full post to follow.

Jennifer, thanks. Minus the beekeeper hat, I had the exact same idea.

Stucco House, bats? I'd take them over wasps any day. Really.

A, I think you maybe right about the light and everything. And, we share the same fears except that I haven't been as pro-active. I just hope I won't have an allergic reaction.

Fargo, thanks. I'm not sure if exciting is good in this case.

3:59 PM  
Blogger Cynthia Ross said...

Hello John! I love your "snow day picture." You're very talented. I found your site when doing research on fixing up old buildings. I wondered if you could please tell me how much it costs to replace a floor and sub-floor? How do you find a good contractor? How many estimates did you get before hiring someone? Thanks. Cynthia

6:46 AM  

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